“What if I…” 

How many times have you asked yourself a question that started with these three words?
Now ask yourself how many of those times the question ended in a negative way?  If you asked yourself “What if I had actually done it ‘right’?” , “What if I had actually taken a better shot?”

I bet a majority of those questions ended in a less than positive way. One that harshly criticised your decision-making process and your creativity. A line of questioning that is nothing short of beating yourself up.

It’s this negative (and less-than-constructive) attitude towards yourself that leads to a slip of faith in your creativity and output. We see it all the time on social media platforms now with ‘creative burnout’ becoming a phrase bandied about more often than I’d care to mention.

I have a confession to make. I suffer from crippling anxiety which spirals into depression.

When the anxiety is at its peak, I’m paralysed with chronic indecision and having a choice becomes incredibly frightening. As a result, my creativity suffers greatly. I don’t end up going on any shoots because I can’t decide where to go, what to shoot, at what time, what gear to take; all questions that bring about intense fear in an overly-anxious mind.

So I simply don’t go. I don’t even enter my studio. The ironic thing is that when I actually do go on shoots, I forget absolutely everything. It’s my reset button for my mind racing on the mouse wheel of indecision. I’m just doing, I’m just creating. I’m just in that moment.

I don’t want that negative voice to kill off the one thing that I truly love doing.

 

 

The basis for this ‘What If I” blog post series is to make these decisions for myself when I was in a clear headspace. To make it easier for myself in a time of heightened anxiety to just make a decision to read a list. In essence, having a  list of challenges that are already outlined acts as a prescription for action, removes the fear of decision making when the anxiety comes again. This way I can counter-act the spiralling self-doubt. Turning a much-maligned question of ‘What if I…” on its head and making it a positive call-to-action for when we constantly second-guess our photographic endeavours; or any endeavours for that matter.

So what kind of positive challenges am I thinking of?

For example when I am completely at a loss, crippled with indecision with what to shoot, one of my first ‘What If I”s will be “What if I did a whole landscape shoot with my XF35mm F2?” or “What if I did video for a whole landscape shoot and no stills at all?” You can see where I’m going here.
Putting a positive spin on an often-negative question tugs at our inquisitiveness, and curiosity; where all our creativity comes from in the first place.

I hope to make this an ongoing (hopefully weekly) challenge, something that we all can partake in under the hashtag #WhatIfIWednesday, and draw encouragement from how others have turned the question of “What If I” into a positive one and helped overcome an anxious or creative rut.

What would your “What If I” be? Let me know below!