I know what you’re thinking, ‘Steph, it’s Monday, isn’t a ‘What If I..’ post supposed to be on a… Wednesday!’ and you’d be totally right.

But I simply couldn’t wait to post it on Wednesday. Today’s challenge is ‘What if I just did a self-portrait shoot?” Rather than over thinking it too much, I jumped straight into it.

Putting the fear aside (as much as I could) I jumped in FRONT of the camera. The light in my studio was great, it was cloudy outside, but it was glary, and so my studio was filled with this gorgeous airy light.

 I took the time on the technical setup, making sure everything was right before I started shooting remotely with the phone app. I think it was also a chance to calm my nerves.

It wasn’t long before I realised how hard it is to get yourself to naturally smile. When I’m photographing people, I talk to them, I get them to laugh, it’s easy.

Not so trying to make yourself laugh.

I kept thinking about how to make myself comfortable. I decked myself out in my favourite jeans and a white shirt, but it still felt really weird.

I grabbed the vintage camera from my chest of drawers and felt better.
I think cameras are a sanctuary for me. I felt immediately more at ease and was able to get a shot or two.

 

   

 

Obviously I still have issues showing my face, at least I got pretty close showing my neck. I just felt so exposed. I had decided to shoot straight away, no time for makeup or any kind of aesthetic armour to protect myself with the fear that comes with being on the other side of the lens.

Action shots, something where I was doing something was the way I was going to go. Sitting there trying to get the right angle, trying to make myself ‘aesthetically pleasing’ was really something I don’t have patience with sometimes!

 

 

I sat at my desk and got an ‘in-action’ shot of me going through photos in Lightroom. This is me, this what my every day looks like when I’m processing, sorting, editing. And yes I have bright red glasses and I absolutely love them!
I love the light that comes through the huge picture window in my studio. It faces north and on days like today, mild with a cool, soothing southerly, the blinds are up and I’m bathing in gorgeous light as I work.

This is where I also do my ‘studio’ shoots. Right here, just to the right of me in the image above, is another desk exactly the same and it serves as the perfect surface for the light to bounce off, for pictures like these!

 

   

Just a quick sidenote! If you love the look of this gorgeous nutty slice, I will be posting my adapted recipe this week, so keep your eyes peeled on my instagram!

 

Sorry, but who can resist posting food images! I digress, I know. Back on track.

So I had done the desk shoot and found one image that I was happy with, but I had that little nagging voice in the back of my brain saying ‘Yeah, but you haven’t photographed your face yet!’

I reluctantly reset the tripod and the camera settings, just dreading the experience of what was to come. I tried lots of different things. Anytime I tried to look really casual, I looked like I was about to start nodding off. Others where I tried to keep my eyes open to what I thought was a normal ‘awake’ looking level, made me look like I had drunk way too many energy drinks.

I just kept clicking that self-timer and hoping for the best, until I found one, that I think looks like me, but was serene… and completely devoid of any drunk-on-energy drink look I had previously worn on my face.

 

 

I know, I know, I’m still not smiling, but I’m thankful that I actually look conscious and calm and a semblance of myself in this shot.

I realise that is something, that I’m going to have to practice. And that’s just being more comfortable with the lens pointed at me. I know that comes with feeling more comfortable in your own skin, so I’m hoping over time that these two will continue to progress.

To those who struggle with stepping out from behind the camera, I hear you, I get it. It’s damn hard and it’s confronting.

What tips and tricks do you use to produce self-portraits that you are happy with? Let’s give each other a few tips here!

Much love, as always